Love on Top

     Welcome back ladies and gentlemen!  Today i have a story to tell you about settling. Yes, settling.  When we hear "settling" a lot of us automatically place "down" right after. Well, I am here to tell you: do NOT settle down until you KNOW you are not settling for LESS!  Seems simple right? Not always.

            As for my story here it goes: Once upon a time there was a girl subjected to the settling ways of her mother.  A behavior her mother learned from her mother. Behaviors are passed to us whether we notice them or not.

Seriously, BREAK THE GENERATIONAL CURSE.

 Learn from the misery of others before us, and especially through the misery our parents allowed to be placed in our lives.  While these experiences were lessons that have made us aware of how we don't deserve to be treated, the pain and misery almost always is avoidable. More than likely, the misery in our families could've been avoided had someone not settled for less than the family deserves.

Why do we settle in relationships?
       We settle in relationships mostly because we feel we will never find a similar or better, love or connection than the one we've found in the person in front of us.  Love and trust is already a scary subject all on its own but to go searching for a new one or taking the steps necessary to get rid of the old one? Definitely a painful and frightening hassle.  Those of us who find ourselves settling, usually lack self esteem. That lack of self esteem tends to keep us from realizing or even caring enough about ourselves, to see what it is that we need from a partner in a relationship.  Thus, we do not demand the things that make us feel good. We settle for whatever that person will give us so that they will stay. However, just because someone is there, does not mean they are committed to making you happy!  This false sense of commitment that we feel while settling is a dangerous and unhealthy comfort zone that we mustn't get sucked into.


Who is hurt when you settle?
       More than likely anyone on the OUTSIDE of your situation will realize before you do that you have settled for less than you actually deserve. Some friends and family will let us know straight others will take a more subtle approach. However the people who love you the most will be affected by seeing you suffering in a situation that is sub par to what you deserve.  No, they aren't hating on your "love".  Last but most importantly, our children are affected immensely by our selfish need to "settle" how many arguments a week do you want to subject your children to? how many moments will you go not displaying the love and affection for each other that children NEED to see?

           Parents, your child would rather see you happy alone than MISERABLE with THEIR parent!  That little girl in the story at the beginning of this post asked her mom numerous times: "Why havent you left my dad? he doesn't treat you right. If you're not happy, Why are you staying with him?"  Her moms response? " I love your father"  at this point, the young girl is learning that love outweighs common sense and that love is a miserable feeling. In the eyes of this girl looking at her mother, love is lonely, makes you fat, make you cry and makes you hate yourself. At this point any optimistic view of love is skewed all because a mother decided to settle. 

  FINDING THE LOVE THAT MATTERS  

          No relationship is perfect but you should NEVER decide that you wont strive to obtain all that you deserve out of what love has to offer you.   Even through a relationship's trials and tribulations, each partner should give a constant reassurance leaving no room for questions regarding the love that is felt for one another. When love is real and healthy, there are no questions or second guesses. It just is.

             So i bet you are wondering what happened to that little girl and her mother. The little girl then decided she would not allow that to happen to her. The. End.  Ok, Im joking.  Well into the young girls adult hood, her mother FINALLY realized that settling was no longer in the best interest of the family. She cut all ties with the little girls father, divorced him and never made any further contact. The mother was then steadfast and focused her energy on herself and her family. Loving herself more, her aura of love projected out and brought love in. She met and married a man she did not have to settle for. In the end, gaining SELF love was the MOST important stepping stone of this mothers journey to not settling for less in love.


Do This for You, Not For me I cant even see You!
Ok, This is lame but i want you to do it at least ONCE in your life...when i heard this song i had to do this so you can too plus its a hot song. Just dedicate it to yourself instead of someone else who doesn't even care.  Grab a mirror. Look in it. Now say these words and mean it: "You're the one i love, you're the one i need, you're the only one i see, its you, you're the one who gets my all, you're the one i always call, when i need you EVERYTHING stops and finally I put my love on top"

Practice Self Love!
Practice self love for a while before trying to get someone to love you. If you dont know what qualities there are to love about yourself how can you expect someone else to respect those qualities or to love you for them?